She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
