I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
