just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize