i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
