absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
