is your mom at the bar?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
