i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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