I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
