One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
