who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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