I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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