Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
