So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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