I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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