How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
