3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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