we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
