PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize