I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
