if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
