Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
