The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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