Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
