How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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