Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
