Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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