god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's when you crack a 10am beer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
