You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
