no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude. I can hear the air.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
