Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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