If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone shattered a urinal.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
