Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize