Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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