I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
