Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
