After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
