How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
