if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
