Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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