how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
