and you said cock pushups were impossible
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
