R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
