Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
