Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
