If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
