I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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