these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I bet he comes in French.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
