the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize