he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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