I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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