Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i

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(360): View more from Washington

I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood

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(206): View more from Washington

dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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(404): View more from Georgia

It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.

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(281): View more from Texas

I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on

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(205): View more from Alabama

I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick

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