you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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