a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
