Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
