Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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