So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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