Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
