Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize