what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize