if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
