two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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