The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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