hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
