it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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