wat bout pragnant strippers??
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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