Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
