Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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