I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
