How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
