We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
