She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
