New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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