I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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