Moan for me like Helen Keller
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
