Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
