I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Randomize
