this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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