nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
