Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
