I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
