Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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