Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
