Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
