That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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