how can u be prego again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize