As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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