I cockslap morals
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
