how can u be prego again
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize