Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
