Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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