So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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