I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
