were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
