she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
