I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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