Please, let me fuck your mom
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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