I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
