Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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