I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i think i just lost a toe
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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