you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
