He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
