I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize