Me too!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
