I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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