thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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