Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
