no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
