so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
