I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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