Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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