Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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